I've answered a lot of questions about sexuality, sex, orientation and gender on Quora. There's often an element of personal opinion in such answers, but I try to stay objective, evidence-based, ethical and compassionate.

sexuality and sexual orientation

There are a stunning quantity of very basic questions about sexuality on Quora - it's clear that a really huge number of people never get any sex education whatsoever. I tend to stay away from those questions as the sheer quantity of ignorance (and a great deal of stupidity, where sexual orientations are concerned) quickly depresses me. These questions are mostly ones where I thought “that's a good question” or felt I had an insight, or factual knowledge to share.

• Are there only 3 sexual orientations?
• When we use sexuality labels, do we have to use the original definition or can we make it our own?
• If homosexuality is innate/genetic, how has it survived evolutionary selection, given that a homosexual couple produces no offspring?
• Do you think that human sexuality can be accurately categorized into just the three labels of straight, gay and bi?
• Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth? (yes, youth is awesome)
• Why do some people prominently specify that they are straight in their bios on different social networks?
• Am I asexual or is it just how I was raised?
• Are we all born asexual? (my position: yes, because infants cannot have meaningful sexuality)
• Is it homophobia if I reject a homosexual lover?
• Is sexual orientation more biologically determined than socially constructed?
• Why do people say they are asexual, surely humans cannot be?
• Is there a physiological gay trait?
• Are gay people who are not attracted to their own race likely suffering from self-hatred?
• I am an asexual. Will this be added to the cluster of 'LGBT' orientations?
• Do you believe that demisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation?
• What is it called when a straight person doesn't want to have sex or be in a relationship?
• Is sex better on a water bed?
• What should I think when my mom tells me that my dad wouldn't ever accept a gay son, and that she would just feel very disappointed?
• What is the psychological reason why straight women like watching gay porn?
• Why is it wrong to consider heterosexuality the "default" orientation?
• Is it illegal to have sex underaged (even when your partner is underaged too)?
• Can you patent a sex game?
• Why do I feel like having sex after exercise?
• Is Quora a good place to ask questions about sexuality in all its form? (Obviously I think so)
• Is it normal for me to not be sexually attracted to anyone?
• How does sexual orientation work?
• If you had a button which removes your sexuality and gives you a million dollars would you press it?
• What would the purpose of a heterosexual flag be?
• Is it a bad idea for me to reject labels?
• What is the difference between sexual orientation and sexual preference?
• Is it true that most women like alpha males? (I don't think humans have alpha males)
• Are humans wired to be monogamous? Why?
• Is it acceptable for one to hate effeminate males, yet be completely accepting of gay males? Is this attitude somehow contradictory?
• Is love romantic or just hormonal?
• What is your opinion about the sex in Haruki Murakami's books?

LGBT+ community

I talk about LGBT+ history quite a bit. I have been involved with LGBT+ communities since about 1990, so I feel I have a relatively rare perspective to share, as well as a lot of experience.

• Why is LGBT a hot topic now?
• Is there any difference between LGBT+ and LGBT*?
• Why are there so many name and title breakdowns in the LGBT community? Are rights being confused with finding an identity?
• Do LGBT individuals have more realistic expectations when it comes to dating and relationships?
• Why is it that whenever someone mentions "I'm not gay" people assume they have a vendetta against homosexuals?
• Can you find out at an older age that you are gay?
• Do gay/lesbian people care about the fact that they can't have kids genetically related to both them and their partner? Either way, why?
• Why do gay people have sex with each other so easily?
• What can Muslims do to guide the LGBT people to the righteous path prescribed by Allah?
• Due to China's child policy, is the LGBT community accepted due to them having a lower chance of bearing a child?
• What percentage of LGBT+ people are concerned that we know their orientation?
• How popular is long-term monogamy among gay men past the age of 30?
• I am 23, a guy and, painfully, a closet gay. How can I resolve this and be happy? (come out)
• Is it lame to go to a pride parade to find a mate?
• What is your "coming out" story?
• What is the most illegal thing you have ever done?
• How do homosexuals recognize each other?
• How do income and social class influence behaviours towards homosexuality in the West?
• Is coming out of the closet really worth it?
• Are gay people bothered by the fact that they won't leave a biological descendant?
• Why do feminists deny the sexual power of women?
• If somebody is asexual, is it necessary to come out as asexual?
• As increasing amounts of Muslims are coming to Europe from countries where LGBT people are heavily persecuted, how have the conditions for LGBT people been affected in Europe?
• Is Tim Cook's announcement a major milestone in the LGBTQ drive for equality? (his coming-out)
• Is it possible to be in a gay male relationship with someone who is significantly taller/shorter than you?
• Can one be so repressed that he really doesn't realise that he's gay?
• How do lesbian parents name their children? What surnames are they given depending on whether the sperm donors are anonymous or known?

same-sex marriage

I'm in one, and a lot of people still haven't met anyone who is, so I feel a duty to introduce myself. If nothing else, it helps to show opponents of gay marriage that this isn't some abstract argument, it's personal.

• Why are gay people asking for the right to marry?
• Is it dangerous for LGBT people to get married?
• Are gay/lesbian marriages traditional as well as straight marriages are?
• Why don't the same sex marriage laws allow same gender members of a family to get married?
• Does the recent acceptance of same-sex marriage in some countries come out of understanding and need for equality or tolerance?
• In jurisdictions where same-sex marriage is legal, can two persons of the same sex who share common biological parents get married?
• What could be the best possible title for a thesis about same-sex marriage?
• For gay couples who get married, what have been some of the surprises you encountered regarding income taxes and other financial issues?
• Is it common for bisexual men to marry? (very)
• Is it okay to oppose use of the term 'same-sex marriage' because I think the term is cisnormative or transphobic?
• Why are some Christian churches supporting gay or same sex marriages?)
• Do people against gay marriage believe that traditional marriage is threatened by it?

bisexuality (and pansexuality)

I figured out that I'm bisexual well over 30 years ago, and spent a lot of time in bi communities and doing bi activism. So I know a lot about bisexuality, and care about it. These days educating people about it via platforms like Quora is the main activism I do.

• What are signs of bisexuality?
• What are the statistics for bisexual marriages, compared to heterosexual ones?
• As a bisexual man who's been in relationships with both sexes, what differences have you found?
• Is heteroflexibility a part of bisexuality?
• Should homosexual people be charged with a crime if they reproduce deceitfully with a heterosexual partner?
• How common is it for a gay man to fall in love with a straight woman when he has no sexual experience with women?
• Do bisexual people get offended by being called gay or lesbian? Isn't it just like an umbrella kind of situation?
• Do pansexuals really feel attraction towards any object? How do they deal with it?
• Why do so many people who are attracted to both men and women refuse to use the term bisexual for themselves?
• I'm certain that I am a gay woman but I dream about sex with men a lot, and I enjoy it. Could I be bisexual?
• Do bisexuals go through cycles of attraction?
• What does it mean if a bisexual calls you cute and likes sticking around you a lot?
• I think I'm bisexual but I keep denying that and it's really stressing me out, so what should I do?
• Is it normal for a bisexual male to be submissive with females but dominant with males?
• Would a female that has only interest in being sexually active with men, but same interest with women and dating women be homosexual or bisexual?
• I am 12 and I believe I am Bi. How do I tell?
• Is it true that men who prefer short hair on women more likely to be bisexual?
• How do I sort out whether I am straight or gay?
• Would you find a heterosexual relationship with a bisexual person weird?
• Is it possible to be both romantically and sexually attracted to women but only romantically attracted to men? If so, what is this called?
• Why don’t women date bisexual men, or men who have sex with men, but it’s different the other way around?
• How can I tell if an older gay man might be accepting of bisexuality?
• Why do all bisexual guys leave their gay boyfriends for a woman?
• Are there any good books on bisexuality worth reading? If so, what are they called?
• Am I still considered bisexual if I don't want to date women?
• Is it possible that apathy can lead to pansexuality?
• Is bisexuality real in humans? (hello!)
• Why do some people think that bisexuals are just following a trend?
• I want to have sex with a ladyboy. Is this normal?
• What is pansexuality?
• How gay are you?
• Can pansexual and bisexual mean the same thing even if it doesn't always?
• I’m attracted to both genders. My fantasies are always of naked women, but I have only had sex with men. Is it possible for me to become straight?
• Why do straight men want gay sex?
• I was so sure that I've been bisexual for forever now and the first time I come out to someone, all of a sudden I feel like a fool and ashamed. Why?
• Am I really bisexual if I only watch gay porn?
• Why are some straight girls attracted to bisexual men?
• What do people think of bisexuals?
• How does a bisexual man convince his (female) date that he is not a closet gay?
• Is there a difference between pansexuality and omnisexuality?
• Am I falling for my best friend? Does she feel the same? We are both bisexual.
• Why can't some people get their head around bisexuality? (doesn't everyone have the capacity to feel attracted to people of any gender?)
• Is it normal for a bisexual male's attraction toward each sex to change as he gets older?
• Why are some bisexuals angry with pansexuals? (biphobia)
• Do bisexual people ever have a preference of either gender?
• What is bisexual love?
• What are problems that bisexual men face that bisexual women don't, and vice versa?
• Can a 14 year-old decide the sexual option at this age?
• My best friend said she has a crush on me and admitted to being bisexual, how am I supposed to react?
• Should I embrace being bisexual or not?
• I believe close to 65% women are bisexual, am I wrong?
• Is it possible to make bisexual people into straight?
• Is it ok if i'm bisexual that date boys, but will not be in a relationship with a girl?
• Is it possible that a man could derive sexual thrills from being an exhibitionist for other men, and yet still be 100% straight himself?
• How do I explain my bisexuality?
• I'm a girl, and identify as straight. But I'm romantically attracted to girls, however not sexually. What does that make me?
• How can I tell if I'm straight, lesbian, or bisexual?
• Can a lesbian and a bisexual woman have a happy, healthy relationship?
• Do bisexual women find bisexual men less appealing than they find straight men?
• In general, do bisexual men like trans women or do they mostly like cis women?
• Gay/bisexual people: would you date someone of the same sex who has the same name as you and can you explain, why or why not?
• I'm a guy, I am attracted to girls, but I sometimes have wet dreams of having sex with a guy. Does this make me gay?
• Will I remain bi curious always in life?
• If I'm bisexual, might I be pansexual as well?
• Can you identify as Gay and Bi?
• Why do some guys that are bisexual get mad when you call them gay? Especially if they are into guys?
• Why are there so few gay or bisexual guys?
• I seem to have more crushes on older women and right now I'm attracted to my college professor - what do I do? Am I bisexual?
• Can you be bisexual with a strong preference?
• How do you know if you are bisexual?
• I'm a girl and I'm bi and I like my best friend and she's also a girl who has a boyfriend, what do I do?
• I am female, and I've recently discovered that I'm capable of physical (but not romantic) attraction to females (I'm already capable of both physical and/or romantic attraction to males). Does this mean I'm bisexual?
• Are bisexuals always equally open to both sexes, or do they cyclically swing between homo/hetero preferences?
• Is homosexuality common in clergy?
• How do I know if I'm gay?
• Why isn't homosexuality classified as fetishism, paraphilia or partialism?
• What does the Kinsey Scale measure?
• How many people are bisexual?
• Is oppression (and appearing as inclusive as possible) a form of social capital in some queer/intersectional spaces?
• In buddhism, is it bad to be bisexual?
• Is it possible to be attracted to someone if it contradicts with your sexual orientation?
• What is the definition of bisexuality?
• How can one be attracted towards two different sexes at the same time?
• Why do I dislike bisexual men but not homosexuals?
• Why is it trendy to be bisexual?
• How do I accept that fact that I might be bisexual when I have identified as gay since age 12, approximately?
• How did you find out and how long did it take you to figure out that you're gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
• What's it like to be a bisexual man?
• Why does my father say that my bisexuality is only a "phase"? How should I respond? (wishful thinking)
• Bisexuality: What's appropriate when switching from a straight relationship to a homosexual one?
• I'm a guy who is bisexual, and I love males more than females. Should I marry a female because this is what is socially acceptable?
• Is it cheating if a bisexual has emotional and sexual relations with a man and woman at the same time?
• What is the difference between bicuriousity and heteroflexibility?
• What is the difference between kissing a male and kissing a female?
• What do you think are some common misconceptions about bisexuality?
• What do bisexual people think it means to have a bisexual identity outside of just simply being attracted to both men and women?
• Is it true that all humans are born as bisexual?
• Has bisexuality waned? (definitely not)
• What is it like to be dumped by your bisexual boyfriend/girlfriend for the opposite sex?
• What is the difference between pansexual and bisexual?
• What is it like for a bisexual man to have a boyfriend?
• Do homophobic people despise bisexuals too?
• What are the benefits of a girl dating/marrying a bisexual man?
• If you are bisexual and have a partner, how does your partner feel about your also liking the gender that he or she doesn't identify with?

gender and transgender

A lot of people still confuse gender (socially constructed) and biological sex (not nearly as simple as some people want to think). I'd like to help improve the sitation. Besides, I have a few bigender/transgender friends and I've worked hard to understand the issues.

• Why is sexual orientation linked to gender and not sex?
• Do gender stereotypes cause gender discrimination? Why?
• Are "themed pronouns" used in queer/trans circles?
• Are femboys just people who want to look really feminine or are they transgender? What are they?
• When a person transitions from female to male, does his height increase?
• Can people be mistaken about being transgender?
• Why do people think being transgender and bisexual is a real thing?
• Do some women have non birthing hips like men?
• If one partner in a gay or lesbian relationship goes through gender reassignment are they no longer a same-sex couple?
• Can you help me with constructive advice on how to openly and frankly communicate with my nephew who recently told me that he was transgender?

penises

Not sure how I came to answer these, other than that I have some experience to draw on.

• Why is there no PQ (penis quotient)?
• Why does the human penis not have a bone?
• Is there a soft to hard ratio for penises?
• Is a ban of circumcision on non consenting male babies anti-semitic?
• Should all male babies be circumcised?
• Do women still enjoy sex with a man who has a considerably smaller penis than her ex?
• Why do women like to make fun of a man for his size?

relationship advice

I'm not normally in the habit of giving out relationship advice at all! I was probably asked to answer most of these. Apart from a few where I give an LGBT+ viewpoint it's not really my area of expertise.

• I don't think feminism is needed in the UK. It's an insult to the intelligence of non-feminists. Would a feminist be happy in a relationship with me?
• How can I deal with feelings of lust towards someone at work?
• I’m a skinny guy and my boyfriend is fat. He has low self-esteem when it comes to body image, what should I do?
• I told another guy about my feelings for him. I knew he didn’t feel the same way, and I hate myself for saying anything. Should I feel this way?
• If your spouse asks you to stop all contact with someone you've only met twice, what would you do?
• Can you love and wish the best for your ex while not actively hanging on to getting back together with him or her?
• Is it okay to be in love for the rest of my life with an ex, even though I was the one who broke up?
• I am dating a man who has been a single father for over 10 years. The children are now a male age 27 and a girl age 19. Go figure, both the kids are homosexual. What's going on here?
• Why do we need relationships? Can't a person be alone and lead a happy life?
• What does it mean if I keep having dreams of a girl I liked two years ago and every time it has a happy ending?
• Is it normal to feel guilty after breaking up with someone?
• What does it mean when your married ex-girlfriend wants to get together for coffee?
• Can a male and female be just friends if there is known attraction between them? Should they be friends if both are in committed relationships?
• How can I not be the super clingy person in the relationship?

Answering questions like these makes Quora feel more like a community to me. I hope I was able to help a few people.